I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need help removing her.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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