Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
