after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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