His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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