I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
