i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
