playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
