Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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