I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize