Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize