mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
