I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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