ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
