Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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