i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize