Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That accounts for only three of the penises
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
