yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
