Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I didn't notice because vodka
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
