you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
