someone get that fucking seahorse.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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