Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm getting married
To pizza
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
