Non-Jews are for practice
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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