I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
