@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
