just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
