yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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