Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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