I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize