I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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