is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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