If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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