every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
