brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
is it fun? or sober?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
