9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
