the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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