Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
