My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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