god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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