a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
