I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
