im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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