Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
