so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
