i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
