Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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