fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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