.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
