I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
