Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
