brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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