she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
