idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
