Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
