Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
