Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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