life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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