I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
