i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
