You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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