all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
