You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
