he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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