What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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