Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
