she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
