Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
