Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
